My “special” childhood…

Well, I could do something serious, but some people tell me that I’m too intense. (Everybody’s secretly just jealous of my deep perception of real life, but whatever.)

So let’s try something funny! 

A few years ago, I coined this phrase to describe my brother and I when we were little: “We were intellectual children.”  Why, you ask?  Well, when other 6 and 8 year-olds were climbing trees, playing hide-and-seek, and drinking Capri-Sun (all the other moms were cool enough to buy those nifty foil pouches), we were sitting in the reading nook between the sofa and the bookcase.  In this bookcase were the encyclopedia, the dictionary, the medical books and all of Dad’s old college science text books (he’s a microbiologist).  That was a realm of great beauty for Hans (my brother) and I–we spent hours reading those books. 

“Okay,” you say, “That’s not that ‘intellectual’.” Hold on.  It gets weirder!

We also had an obsession with aquatic life.  We each possessed an entire alternate universe composed of stuffed killer whales, sharks, and a few other assorted plush lifeforms.  One of our favorite games to play with these soft friends was “Sickness.”

“What?” you intone, “That sounds….gross!”

Yes, “Sickness.”  In case you are looking for a great new way to spend your downtime this schoolyear, here’s how to play:

1.) Gather up all stuffed killer whales and sharks, and tote them to the basement.  Preferably, do this early in the morning while Mom and Dad are still snoozing, so your time will be uninterrupted.

2.) Sit in reading nook and peruse microbiological information.

3.) Assume doctor stance and voice when the first plush patient arrives.

4.) Listen to their symptoms, assign them a bed (one of the couch cushions) and research their ailment in medical journals.  For example, if “Caroline” is suffering from severe stiffness, muscle tension, and a sudden onslaught of joint pain, she might have contracted tetanus.  The common infective agent Clostridium tetani is responsible; she most likely encountered it during an unfortunate adventure involving a rusty gate out back.  Dose her with meds as required, keep her hydrated, and clean out her puncture wounds.

5.) As more critically ill patients arrive (Oh, the drama!), head to the laundry room, empty out round white laundry basket, and use it as the ambulance.

6.) Set broken bones as necessary, restrain patients even when they thrash wildly and disturb other sea creatures.  (The louder they scream, the funnier.)

7.) Never fear to enter sugery–who needs their appendix, anyways?

8.)  If you are a girl, all the animals get well and few things ever go wrong.  The occasional crisis moment occurs, but all is peacefully resolved, preferably with the husband whale more deeply in love with his recovering wife than ever before.

9.) If you are a boy, at least half of the animals have to die a slow, dramatic, painful death, hopefully not before yelling loudly and getting in a fistfight or two.

10.) Pick up your mess, study more pathological terminology, and return the laundry basket to its appropriate home and fill it back up with dirty socks (this last step is really important if you want your mom to let you continue your game next week.)

Friday nights, Hans and I would plan, “Let’s get up early tomorrow morning and play Sickness for a while!” “Oooh, I can hardly sleep!  The ideas are already running through my head…..”
Now you know why I’m so weird–I started out that way! 


Published in: on August 11, 2008 at 8:44 pm  Comments (6)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That was hilarious Alex! Definitely one of the best blogging posts that I’ve read. I laughed out loud several times, earning the occasional glance (is he nuts?) from those around me. #s 8 and 9 were especially good.

    Thanks again for making me laugh so hard.


  2. Weird parents make for weird kids…but I think that I will just blame grandpa!

  3. ahhh…the good ol’ days. 😉

  4. My favorite was #6. 🙂

  5. The patriarch pleads the 5th……

  6. Too much fun!

    I love that you used the laundry basket for the ambulance! Hilarious and fun! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: